I've read and heard lots of strange words being used to describe cars that are fast, modified, rare or unique. And while I've always loved to drive hard till I'm tyred, my old Honda Civic only ever got moist inside when she got a bit rusty and let the rain in, right at the end. The little Honda was spent.
Using words like 'horny' to describe the latest Ford with a V8 and big wheels never really made much sense to me. Don't get me wrong, I loved the cars and there was a yearning for that special one somewhere deep inside. I can tell you now though, it was nowhere near my loins.
I think it's all the car industry's fault. The new car industry, that is. And maybe some aftermarket parts and accessory manufacturers. I remember an ad for a Pirelli P-Zero in a magazine a few years back. There was a girl speech bubbling on about the broad shoulders and deep longitudinal groove of her beau's new tyres. I was a bit young at the time, so I didn't grasp the full double meaning of the ad, but I could tell something was awry.
The car manufacturers themselves love to associate sexual success with their latest machinery. Visit your local Motor Show next time it comes around, and ask one of the girls at the Toyota stand what she thinks of the VVTi system and why it's a good thing. I don't know how much she will have to say. Don't get me wrong, having these ladies there to help out is in no way a bad thing.
Motor racing is another place this type of confusion between sexual healing and automotive feeling takes place. Look out on the grid of any Formula One or Indy Cart race. There's more heels than wheels, and heels are about all they're wearing. Meanwhile the commentators, the press and the marketing hype promote the 'exotic' cars and the longevity and stamina of their drivers. It sounds like they're making pornography.
Car magazines like to try to make their topics seem more exciting to the average teenage testosterone tank by putting the latest rice-boy machine on the cover next to a gorgeous bird, or at least a girl without many clothes on, and offering more of the same inside. Then in the text they say things like, "this quad turbo Lancer has bigger balls than a sperm whale"; as if the kids need any more titillation!
But with all this talk and confusion of cars and sex, I've never come across a car yet whose appearance says to me "play with my ball joints" or "suck my tie rod ends". I jump at the chance to caress the throttle of a sweet handling little floozy of a sportscar, but I'll leave the bore reaming and head polishing to the experts, or at least those who are more excited about that sort of thing.
Maybe if the boy racer car mags ease up on the tits part of the "tech, tits and tyre-smoke" equation, we could have a little bit less of the adolescent 'ramming things up tailpipes' pranks? We can only live in hope.
Sites about Cars and Sex
Dekhyr Dragon's Guide to Sex with Cars (for males)
If you still think that cars are irresistably sexy, horny, erotic, exotic, attractive, beautiful or in any way sexual, maybe you can try this site. It's a great guide to the best way to get off on your automotive friend.
Tire Burnouts, Boots and Shoes on the Car Pedals
Hahahahaha. Well, this just sounds hilarious to me, but if you're into watching people stomp accelerators sexually then you might like to go visit this page. It does have lots of decent burnout pictures, even if I have seen them on other sites before...how can you hold intellectual property theft against somebody with a boot fetish? Poor petals.
Here's a quote:
Q : What is Pedal Pumping?
- Many have been quoted saying "watching women pump the gas pedal of a vehicle with their foot". This is a true statement but there is more to it then that. There are so many new and old ways into this fetish that are overlooked or unknown. Pedal pumping is anyone who enjoys watching male, female, gay, lesbian, and cross-dressers (TV's) push, pump, and floor the gas and brake pedal of a vehicle. Some other types also include pianos, bicycles, arcade games, and anything else you can think of with a pedal.